Abandon Blame - Map The Contribution System

I'm halfway through reading Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen's updated version of Difficult Conversations and the chapter titled 'Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution' caught my eye and the end of my digital highlighter.

Taking a step back, Stone et al. frame success around difficult conversations by identifying which of three conversations you're having: 1. The "What Happened" Conversation 2. The Feeling Conversation 3. The Identify Conversation And while most conversations have some overlap in these areas, typically one is predominant and friction occurs when the different parties aren't aligned on which conversation is occurring.

When I think about the conversations most difficult at work for me, it can be the "What Happened" conversations. Typically we're in a post-mortem about what didn't go well and with many involved with various levels of input and action it can feel like room filled with finger-pointing.

While I've always taken the approach of accepting responsibility to defuse tension and work towards a resolution, I can be resentful that those "to blame" didn't take on that responsibility.

That's where "Map the Contribution System" is a paradigm shift.

The book describes a shift from "blame" to "contribution" -- in any situation everyone involved contributed in some way, big or small, to what happened. And even not contributing to what happened can be interpreted a a contribution by negative space. They say "blame is about judging and contribution is about understanding"

The book describes the nuts and bolts about how to use this strategy to be forward looking and collaborative with everyone, so I'll leave it to their expertise; check out the book for details ¹.

To me, the reframing from "blame" to "contribution" opens up a new way to interact with others to lead to better outcomes for everyone in the future.

So the next time you're working out "whose to blame" I, and Stone et al., encourage you to instead ask

How did we each contribute to bringing about the current situation?